5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting A Divorce

We have learned so much after mediating a thousand divorces for over seventeen years. These are common comments we heard repeatedly from our clients. If they could rewind the clock, these are a few things they would have done differently. We hope you find this helpful as you contemplate divorce.

You Don’t Need An Attorney

Everyone tells you to get a good attorney. That means retaining an aggressive attorney to get all you can from your partner. What your friends and family DID NOT tell you about was the expense, the time, and the relational destruction that followed. Some attorneys can make you each feel like losers as parents and people, especially if there is a custody battle. The process can destroy your coparent relationship. You can easily spend over $10,000 each on attorney fees.

Those funds could have spent on your kids. The process can become so difficult couples no longer speak to each other. Communication can become nonexistent. It can take years to gain a somewhat healthy coparent relationship. Some parents never repair the relationship. In simple cases, our clients may elect to bypass a legal consultation. In other cases, a legal consultation is very helpful and needed. In rare cases, a client may elect to retain an attorney through the process. Our fees are typically less than the cost of one attorney for a peaceful and simple process. Click here to more information on using attorneys through divorce.

Money Can Be Tight, Very Tight

We help clients create budgets during the divorce process. They often come with a very basic budget not accounting for birthday gifts, tires for the car, and all those other little things that add up. Usually, money was tight before they divorced. Now, it is really tight! Clients tell us they wished for a bit more discipline in spending – a few less Starbucks and fast food on the way to soccer practice. For the main breadwinner, he or she begins to recover financially after support is completed or drops. For the one receiving support, if the support is not replaced with income, then a financial cliff awaits. Our clients tell us visualizing their financial future five and ten years out is very helpful. What kind of house will you need? Where might you be in your career, or a new career? A financial planner can be very helpful to create a plan for your financial future. When our clients knew they had a plan, it made a big difference in getting through the tight times.

We offer a FREE MONEY eBook from one of our strategic partners. Hope this helps you develop a plan!

Co-Parenting Is Way Harder Than Expected

Some of our clients had very different parenting styles which led to constant conflict. They would tell us after the divorce, they thought things would be better. In reality, things actually got worse. They communicated less, and at times, not at all. Their children suffered through those times. Divorce separates you from a partner, it does not separate you as a parent. They forgot the positive traits of each other as parents. They forgot they agreed on most of the important things. And they forgot they have amazing kids!

We work hard to preserve a positive co-parent relationship. Sometimes, parents just get stuck in unhealthy cycles. We our here to help parents get out of those cycles through coaching and even coordination, if needed. We want both parents to be the heroes of their kids!

We offer free co-parenting workshops for those who are seeking help with their co-parenting workshop. You can view our next available workshop dates here.

Finding Time For Myself Is Impossible

Our clients tell us not only about a money crunch after divorce, but also a time crunch. They thought when the kids were with the other parent that meant freedom! In reality, they had to catch up at work, get groceries, do small maintenance around the house, and a seemingly endless list of tasks. They were exhausted when the kids left and exhausted when they came home.

The solution? They had to force time in the schedule for themselves. When clients allowed themselves to have some fun, their energy and perspective changed. They came home refreshed and happy! You CAN find time for yourself, but you will need to be intentional. We highly recommend joining something – a class, a group, anything to get you out the door for something YOU love.

Dreaming About Tomorrow Is Tough

Our clients told us dreaming was difficult. They were in survival mode. They just needed to get through the day, then the next day, and the day after that. They could easily get depressed. They found it hard to dream about tomorrow when just trying to get through the day. Dreaming? They just wanted to get some good REM sleep so they could get up with some energy to face the next the day.

We encourage DAY DREAMING, and no, not the kind where you drift off to some paradise for a few moments. You set aside a WHOLE DAY, WITHOUT KIDS, WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTIONS, and let yourself rest and dream. You emerge from your DAY DREAMING RETREAT with energy, purpose, and hope. Many tell us they have never felt so alive!

We know divorce can be a hard and painful process. At Genesis Divorce and Family Center, we are here to walk together with you. Our mediators have hundreds of hours of experience helping couples through an amicable divorce saving them thousands of dollars in attorney fees. You can learn more about divorce options and next steps at our next Divorce Options Workshop.

We have learned so much after mediating a
thousand divorces for over seventeen years.
These are common comments we heard
repeatedly from our clients. If they could rewind the clock, these are a few things they would have done differently. We hope you find this helpful as you contemplate divorce.

You Don’t Need An Attorney

Everyone tells you to get a good attorney. That
means retaining an aggressive attorney to get
all you can from your partner. What your friends and family DID NOT tell you about was the expense, the time, and the relational
destruction that followed. Some attorneys can
make you each feel like losers as parents and
people, especially if there is a custody battle.
The process can destroy your coparent
relationship. You can easily spend over $10,000
each on attorney fees.

Those funds could have spent on your kids. The process can become so difficult couples no longer speak to each other. Communication can become
nonexistent. It can take years to gain a somewhat healthy coparent relationship. Some parents never repair the relationship. In simple cases, our clients may elect to bypass a legal consultation. In other cases, a legal consultation is very helpful and
needed. In rare cases, a client may elect to retain an attorney through the process. Our fees are typically less than the cost of one attorney for a peaceful and simple process. Click here to more information on using attorneys through divorce.

Money Can Be Tight, Very Tight

We help clients create budgets during the divorce process. They often come with a very basic budget not accounting for birthday gifts, tires for the car, and all those other little things that add up. Usually, money was tight before they divorced. Now, it is really tight! Clients tell us they wished for a bit more discipline in spending – a few less Starbucks and
fast food on the way to soccer practice. For the
main breadwinner, he or she begins to recover
financially after support is completed or drops. For the one receiving support, if the support is not replaced with income, then a financial cliff awaits. Our clients tell us visualizing their financial future five and ten years out is very helpful. What kind of house will you need? Where might you be in your career,
or a new career? A financial planner can be very
helpful to create a plan for your financial future.
When our clients knew they had a plan, it made a big difference in getting through the tight times.

We offer a FREE MONEY eBook from one of our strategic partners. Hope this helps you develop a plan!

Co-Parenting Is Way Harder Than Expected

Some of our clients had very different parenting
styles which led to constant conflict. They
would tell us after the divorce, they thought
things would be better. In reality, things actually got worse. They communicated less, and at times, not at all. Their children suffered through those times. Divorce separates you from a partner, it does not separate you as a parent. They forgot the positive traits of each other as parents. They forgot they agreed on most of the important things. And they forgot they have amazing kids!

We work hard to preserve a positive co-parent
relationship. Sometimes, parents just get stuck in unhealthy cycles. We our here to help parents get out of those cycles through coaching and even coordination, if needed. We want both
parents to be the heroes of their kids!

We offer free co-parenting workshops for those who are seeking help with their co-parenting workshop. You can view our next available workshop dates here. 

Finding Time For Myself Is Impossible

Our clients tell us not only about a money
crunch after divorce, but also a time crunch.
They thought when the kids were with the other
parent that meant freedom! In reality, they had
to catch up at work, get groceries, do small
maintenance around the house, and a
seemingly endless list of tasks. They were
exhausted when the kids left and exhausted
when they came home.

The solution? They had to force time in the
schedule for themselves. When clients allowed
themselves to have some fun, their energy and
perspective changed. They came home
refreshed and happy! You CAN find time for
yourself, but you will need to be intentional. We
highly recommend joining something – a class,
a group, anything to get you out the door for
something YOU love.

Dreaming About Tomorrow Is Tough

Our clients told us dreaming was difficult. They
were in survival mode. They just needed to get
through the day, then the next day, and the
day after that. They could easily get depressed.
They found it hard to dream about tomorrow
when just trying to get through the day.
Dreaming? They just wanted to get some good
REM sleep so they could get up with some
energy to face the next the day.

We encourage DAY DREAMING, and no, not the kind where you drift off to some paradise for a few moments. You set aside a WHOLE DAY, WITHOUT KIDS, WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTIONS, and let yourself rest and dream. You emerge from your DAY DREAMING RETREAT with energy,
purpose, and hope. Many tell us they have
never felt so alive!

We know divorce can be a hard and painful
process. At Genesis Divorce and Family Center, we are here to walk together with you. Our mediators have hundreds of hours of experience helping couples through an amicable divorce saving them thousands of dollars in attorney fees. You can learn more about divorce options and next
steps at our next Divorce Options Workshop.